“ . . . But my mind, gone out in tenderness,
Shrinks from its object . . .”
—Randall Jarrell
I want to find my way back to her,
 to help her, to grab her hand, pull her
 up from the wooden floor of the stacks
 where she’s reading accounts of the hatchet
 murders of Lizzie Borden’s harsh parents
 as if she could learn something about
 life if she knew all the cuts and slashes;
 her essay on Wordsworth or Keats
 only a knot in her belly, a faint pressure
 at her temples. She’s pale, it’s five years
 before the first migraine, but the dreamy
 flush has already drained from her face.
 I want to lead her out of the library,
 to sit with her on a bench under a still
 living elm tree, be one who understands,
 but even today I don’t understand,
 I want to shake her and want to assure her,
 to hold her—but love’s not safe for her,
 although she craves what she knows
 of it, love’s a snare, a closed door,
 a dank cell. Maybe she should just leave
 the campus, take a train to Fall river,
 inspect Lizzie’s room, the rigid corsets
 and buttoned shoes, the horsehair sofas,
 the kitchen’s rank stew. Hell. Bleak
 loyal judgmental journals of a next-door
 neighbor—not a friend, Lizzie had no friend.
 If only she could follow one trajectory
 of thought, a plan, invent a journey
 out of this place, a vocation—
 but without me to guide her, where
 would she go? And what did I ever offer,
 what stiffening of spine? What goal?
 Rather, stiffening of soul, her soul
 cocooned in the library’s trivia.
 Soul circling its lessons. What can I say
 before she walks like a ghost in white lace
 carrying her bouquet of stephanotis,
 her father beaming innocently at her side,
 a boy waiting, trembling, to shape her?
 He’s innocent, too, we are all innocent,
 even Lizzie Borden who surely did take
 the axe. It was so hot that summer morning.
 The hard-hearted stepmother, heavy hand
 of the father. There was another daughter
 they favored, and Lizzie, stewing at home,
 heavy smell of mutton in the pores
 of history. But this girl, her story’s
 still a mystery—I tell myself she’s a quick
 study, a survivor. There’s still time.
 Soon she’ll close the bloody book,
 slink past the lit carrels, through
 the library’s heavy door to the world.
 Is it too late to try to touch her,
 kneel beside her on the dusty floor
 where we’re avoiding her assignment?

















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