Alan drives a cab at night,
Has cab driver’s elbow
In his left arm,
Sells real estate by day.
Alan dreams of a big deal,
Of opening a classy poolhall.
Has a four million dollar deal
Which will probably fall through,
Has a big land deal with the Post Office
But it will take 20 years to deliver
Because they are so slow.
Alan collects baseball cards and comic books
Hates condos and townhouses
Though he lives in one.
Was a trader for nineteen and one-half years
Then fired when the market melted.
Alan, even if he was rich,
Would not let his stepdaughter
By his second wife
Have her own phone and private line
Like her rich friend Rebecca has
Because after all she is only twelve.
Alan, half Jewish, has three tattoos.
“I got them recently because I wanted them.
My Jewish aunt nearly had a stroke
When she saw them.”
Alan admits he is a pack rat saving
Everything, loves wood, restoration, and antiques.
Alan admires the people who buy old houses
And fix them up.
Hates the development of Staten Island
Blaming it on the people from Brooklyn.
Alan was cooking sausages and onions
(His other half is Italian)
In his back yard
When a woman knocked his parked car
Into the next block,
Totaled it; he got $1,200 more
Than it was worth.
Alan found a turtle and put
It in a safe stream,
Stopped a dog from killing a cock
In historic Richmondtown.
Alan hates the dump—
ninety-four percent of the garbage there
Is dropped by the other boroughs—
Likes the idea of secession,
Staten Island free and independent.
Alan apologetically asks
If he didn’t talk too much
As he brings me to my destination.
He leaves me a great silence
And I wish I had one million American bucks
To tip the exuberant Alan.
Alan, take this million bucks
Strip the paint off the good wood of your dreams
And tattoo the tedious days.
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